Monday, July 31, 2017

Live and Let Live



As I sat down to lunch yesterday, opening a book to peruse while I ate, something small and mote-like caught the corner of my eye. I thought it was a fly, but soon noticed it wasn't moving quite the way a fly might. Closer examination revealed a baby spider hanging some distance over the table top, suspended, I assumed, from the lamp overhead.

I swiped a hand about two feet above it, raised my arm, and watched as the spider rose with it; I’d successfully snagged its lifeline. It was releasing silk as fast as its miniscule spinnerets could go, but as it was so very minute; literally, a speck about as big as a pin head. I was able to keep winding its gossamer thread around the back of my hand faster than it could spin it out, the slightest tickle on the hairs there letting me know I had a hold of it.

I moved to the back door, opened it, and gingerly stepped outside, hoping my charge was still along for the ride. After closing the door behind me, I tried for several minutes to catch sight of the little arachnid, but couldn’t see it in the bright daylight. I kept winding up the silk, hoping I hadn’t inadvertently crushed the miniature thing somehow, or lost it when the door was shut.

Finally, I had the idea to hold my arm up as high as I could, and against the backdrop of blue sky above me, I spotted it, still dangling rather helplessly about two feet beneath my hand, floating lazily at about a thirty degree angle.

I laid what I hoped was a reasonable length of silk against the side of a wooden platform that supports a garbage can and a barbecue I never use. I kept dragging the line sideways, wondering if I’d be able to sever it once it had caught on something, and trying to spy the tiniest spider I ever did spy.

Eventually, the spider’s silken lifeline caught, and I spotted it not far away from the edge of the platform, still twisting and flailing, gently buffeted by the breeze. I pulled away, but the little thing pulled up with me, so I realized we were still attached to one another. After several attempts to unbind us from a connection I could feel but not actually see, I managed to pull away and not bring the spider, too, and watched with deep satisfaction as the diminutive creature scrambled up its line until it found a foothold on the wood, and crawling free at last, disappeared between two boards soon after.

It was an interesting little adventure, reminding me of Little Miss Muffet, the fairy tale I read in my youth. I guess it really happens that spiders sometimes drop in for a bite; though I wasn’t eating curds and whey. Maybe they’re not all that fussy, or don’t read fairy tales. All I know is, it was something that filled my heart for a brief moment. The spider has fewer of those than I, but at least it might have a better chance now to live them

Sunday, July 30, 2017

A Few Words with the Man of Steel

I love Chicago; great Mulligan Stew here. And da Bears, of course; though they suck lately. 



Okay, so I’ve wanted to clear a few things up for quite some time now. It’s been over seventy years since I first got public attention, and even though I’ve got lots of years left in me, times have changed. I’m not as popular as I once was, but I’m actually okay with that. I’ve realized that people need to figure out most things for themselves, so I’m not really making much of an effort to save the world these days.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still busy as hell, but I work a different way now. In fact, I’ve moved into life coaching. You wouldn’t believe how many super heroes that once had plenty to do have found themselves struggling to transition into the real world of day-to-day existence. It’s never easy being super or in the case of some, just plain weird; the guilt and self-doubt some of these people have is incredible! Some of them have done some pretty horrible things, and not just to their enemies, either. I mean, the Flash had some real crazy drunken encounters, let me tell you. Several women never knew what hit them. Well, he atoned for all that, rest his soul. I won’t even hint at the things the Batman got into after that article about what really happened between him and Robin. Huh; Boy Wonder, indeed. You think you know a guy.

I can’t really talk about other super heroes very much. Client confidentiality, you understand. I will say that it’s been a great experience to let go of the macho image; it really wasn’t me. Remember that nerdy kid that everyone knew as Super Boy? That's the real me; I’m a nerd and I’m not afraid to admit it. I love delving into the science of things but I’m also something of a spiritualist. I’m a Buddhist and vegetarian, too; not a lot of people know that.

Anyway, I’m getting off topic here, so why don’t we segue into what I really wanted to get off my chest. It’s exactly because I’m a geek in so many ways that I feel I owe the public some explanations. A lot of what they think I did or can do is wrong or has been twisted in ways that helped enrich the Superman franchise. I’ve been carrying a lot of needless guilt about some of that.

So, a good place to start would be letting everyone know what some of my real powers are. I don’t want to disappoint any of my fans, but how I'm portrayed in most of the comic book series and especially in movies is grandiose, and that’s an understatement.

I mean, yeah, the environment of this solar system affords me super strength and near-invulnerability. It also enables me to defy gravity after a fashion, but that’s only because I can use my strength to propel myself long distances. Sort of like super-jumping, if you will. I don’t actually fly, and of course I can land without getting hurt because I’m so strong. Stories about me jaunting about in the far-flung reaches of space are just that; fictions designed to increase the scope of the product marketed around me. Near space, like our solar system, yeah, I can get around a bit, though it takes time.


Also, where I was born, on Krypton, the atmosphere was similar to Earth’s, so I need to breathe like any human. Sure, I can hold my breath for a very long time, provided I’m not engaged in anything too strenuous like fighting, deflecting asteroids or leaping through the sun. Actually, I don’t recommend that last bit; the few times I’ve done it I’ve come out buck naked. Unscathed otherwise, but unclothed, too. You have no idea how embarrassing that can be.

Anyway, like I was saying, I can hold my breath for a long while, so sure, I can zoom around in space a bit. However, people forget that I can’t ‘fly’ at anything like light speed; nothing really does, after all. Even for me to get from here to the moon takes a few hours or so of mostly floating along enjoying the scenery. Trying to get to somewhere like Mars is a leap that requires extra oxygen, several weeks of time and unbelievably complex mathematical formulae to work out the trajectories. If I miss my mark, I may end up floating a very long ways before I find something I can jump off of again.

In fact, anytime I head off-earth I have to be extremely prepared; if there’s no way for me to jump back, I could go bye-bye. Fortunately, I had a very gifted scientist Father and my Mother was no slouch, either; I inherited some great genes. I’ve also had a lot of practice getting things right since I was a kid. Just don’t believe all the newer Super Boy stories about me gallivanting around the galaxy. I was scared shitless if I had to go across the planet, never mind jumping to the moon. It wasn’t until after I graduated University that I had the brains and guts to really push the envelope and figure out everything that’s involved in extra-terrestrial jumping. I could tell you some stories about my miscues that would likely leave you in stitches for hours. I’m still amazed at the luck I’ve had getting back home a couple of times.

Another thing that’s been misrepresented is the supposed heat vision I possess. I don’t need heat vision; if I wanted to, I could heat anything up just by rubbing it for a while. Shooting heat out of the eyes isn’t something anyone or anything can do, as far as I know. There’s just no mechanism known in nature that could account for it. Nice thought, I guess. Same with the x-ray, infrared and micro-vision; they’re all myths. My senses are pretty acute without the need for elaborate fallacies to make them more so. Ask around if you don’t believe me; there’s plenty of cons still serving time that will tell you hiding from me isn’t all that easy to do.

I should also de-bunk the cold breath thing. I can’t blow cold air; I’m warm-blooded just like the rest of you. Hot air is really all I can do, like any blowhard; it’s not as strong a breath as has been shown, either. I can only take as large a breath as my lungs can hold, right? So, while I can force it out at a pretty good rate I can’t maintain it for longer than it takes my lungs to empty. Surely someone’s figured that out by now?

Something else I have to mention is the one weakness I suffered from. I’m not actually affected by Kryptonite. That was a ploy used by the writers to show that I could be weakened; otherwise, there would never have been any bad guys that could really stand up to me, you know? I went along with it, because in all honesty I couldn’t make a living as a journalist; who the hell does? I was off fighting crime or saving the world half the time. How I never got fired from that two-bit rag for missing so much work I’ll never know. It probably helped that I kept my mouth shut about my editor's 
penchant for transvestites. Of course, everyone knows now, but if Perry'd been found out when he was alive they would have run him out of town. Plus, I would have been smeared for keeping his secret, so it was mutually beneficial, I guess.

So, I got a few royalties from the sales of various merchandise, mostly the DC Comics line. I ignored several abuses of my name and image because I couldn’t sue everyone; I really didn’t need the stress and I figured, what harm can it really do? People are going to believe what they want no matter how hard you try to tell them the truth. I didn’t even bother, until now of course.

Back to the Kryptonite. It didn’t affect me at all; it doesn't give off any more radiation than most other elements. In fact, what many brainless villains thought was Kryptonite was actually Jadarite, an element found here on Earth. It's totally harmless, unless you throw a chunk at someone's head, I suppose. Sure, if you hold Kryptonite near a source of radiation for a prescribed period of time it will become lethally irradiated, though it would take me far longer to absorb a lethal dose than a human. No, my real problem was horrible insecurity. I just couldn’t handle how some of those villains browbeat me, you know? I hated being teased or taunted by bullies. A lot of my early life was spent putting up with shit like that because if I ever reacted, I’d kill someone; that was never my modus operandi. Never. As a result I was scared to near-immobility by anyone who so much as gave me a wedgie. That made high school a nightmare, let me tell you. It took me years of therapy to get over that, but for the sake of my public image they used kryptonite as a stand-in for my neurosis. That was okay by me; what kind of super hero would I have been if everyone knew they could beat me up just by calling me a pansy?

Well, that wasn’t generally a problem with most of the bad seeds I’ve encountered. More often than not they’re afraid of me, so that makes it easy for me to take them out. Only a few ever figured out my weakness; it was kept pretty quiet, as you can imagine. I had a lot of trouble with them when I was younger. Lex Luthor was a royal pain in the ass, in all honesty. Though he was no match for me eventually. You can only harass someone so long before you either get tired of it, have other things to do or move on with your life. He'd badger me, push me into a locked room, and try to taunt me to death. He even tried recordings of constant belligerence so he could go out and get groceries or run other errands, but I’d just blow his tape decks against a wall, or take out the speakers with well-aimed loogies. In the end, he couldn’t be bothered to keep it up; he figured it was better to go straight than to waste more time trying to off me.

That bit about me reversing the spin of the earth in the very first Superman movie? What a joke. Any twelve year-old knows that wouldn’t have reversed time; it would have destroyed the planet, and Lois along with it. Probably most of the solar system eventually, too. Not only that, but I would never have affected a mass so many times larger than me even if I could have flown around it at near-light speeds. Stupid idea, but hey, it’s Hollywood, right? Reality is a lot different. Just imagine the irony: I try to make the earth go the wrong way and while it slows and comes to a stop, everything that’s not firmly anchored - and I mean firmly - keeps going at the same speed it was travelling before. What a bloody mess that would have been. Well, let’s face it; it’s likely the whole place would have been left totally uninhabitable or worse, in pieces.

There’s a good reason why Lois and I more or less stayed together. I miss her quite a bit. She was the only woman who could satisfy me sexually, you know? It used to be horribly frustrating for me that way. It’s very difficult even for normal guys to rein in their impulses, but when you’re super strong and get carried away in the moment, people get hurt. I found that out the hard way...um, sorry, no pun intended... one time in University. That episode cost my family their entire life-savings, but I made good on it eventually. Poor girl could never have a family, though.

Lois was different. Like any woman, she couldn’t actually perform most sex acts with me; she’d of taken too many chances. I mean, I might blow a hole in her head if ... well... you get the drift. But Lois was great, because she knew me better than any woman; she had the reflexes of a cat and knew when to jump, so to speak. I really do miss her.

I took a vow of celibacy after she died. That upset a lot of women who thought it would be fun to ‘take a ride’ with Superman. It’s always been that way. They just don’t realize what it might mean for them if I get lost in the moment. Do you know how hard it is to keep control all the time? It’s just not possible, and it impacts my performance because I have to be constantly vigilant that I’m not crossing the line. Well, it’s just easier now, and seriously, I’m over ninety years old, for crying out loud. I have other things to do with my time.

Speaking of time, I hate to cut this short but I’ve got to get to New York for a four o’clock. It’s about a two minute leap from here; that’ll give me a minute to freshen up. Thanks for the microphone, Jack. I’ll be back for more later.

I've Got the Music in Me

I love music of all kinds; jazz, funk, hip hop, indie, classical, swing, instrumental, rock, world beat, folk. I like some genres of music I cannot name. That goes for some I don't like, too.

Music is something I often have near-total recall of; don't ask me why. Maybe with age repeatedly listening to much of it tends to do that to people, though that isn’t always a blessing. My mind also has an uncanny knack of remembering virtually any rhythm, and invariably replays it in my head from the first instant one chances to be heard. Sometimes the music is okay, depending on mood or circumstance and if it's something I've come up with myself. If I’m feeling energetic, it’s handy to have Born to be Wild blaring between my ears. If I’m in a doctor’s office, I can pass time listening to some relaxing Mozart or Bach on my internal iPod.

However, at other times having non-stop music playing is just irritating. For example, when I used to feed my cat, Athena, first thing in the morning, I would mouth a little ditty I made up and that she seemed to have some appreciation for; it was part of the ritual we'd go through every day. Cats are ever creatures of habit, so I liked to believe she almost expected to hear the song as well as see food simultaneously appear in her dish.

I didn’t mind humouring her, even if she could care less whether I accompanied feeding time with dinner music; maybe she was humouring me. In all likelihood, she didn’t mind the noise provided her food found its ultimate destination. The problem occurred after the ritual was over, because the ditty wouldn’t go away.

Can you imagine for a moment what it must be like to hear “Thena beena weena, you’re my fuzzy keena” coursing through your mind for hours on end? Even when I managed to forego adding the words, the tune itself would continue playing unabated until some life event distracted me, or another piece of music finally took its place.

Just the mere thought of that senseless melody running endlessly in my brain has brought it back to full awareness again; it’s playing right now. Heaven help me, but there are times when I could wish for a home lobotomy kit.

Being in a blue funk often sets the stage for the band in my head to start playing some form of melancholic music. If I have to hear Sinatra warbling In the Wee Small Hours one more time in a private (albeit, free) performance just for me when I’m feeling nostalgic about a lost love, drastic measures may be needed. I mean, I enjoy music that puts you in a mood, but to have it persistently enhancing one you’d rather not be feeling in the first place can drive you batty.

Maybe I already am. Some internet sources suggest that constant music going through one’s head is a sign of stress and possibly linked to ADHD-ADD, bipolarism or avoidance of dealing with life’s issues, among other things. If any of it’s true, then I should have been committed for further study a long time ago, because it’s rare for me to find peace from my cerebral stereo.

One solution I’ve found that helps is to plunk five cd’s into the disc changer and set the play mode to random. That keeps something different playing all the time, and for a while I find surcease from the mind-numbing monotony of listening to the same song repeatedly. Meditation helps, too, as long as there’s something to focus on instead of whatever background song happens to be spinning on my mental jukebox. It’s very challenging to stop focussing on thoughts when one’s mind is bouncing along to ‘a wop-boppa loo-bop a wop-bam boom’. Tutti-Frutti and finding my quiet space just don’t go well together. Someday things will change, or so I believe; maybe when I’ve left this life behind. I can only pray that the Choir Invisible has a large repertoire and only performs on Sundays. On the other hand, maybe having the music in me is a better option than not having any at all.

Transition

Tonight, my daughter and I watched the lunar eclipse. As the earth transited across its lucent face, I couldn't help reflecting that life as I know it has begun a transition, too. From letting the ego and fear rule my days to allowing love and the soul to guide me, the feeling that has overcome me is akin to excitement on the grandest of scales. Like Scrooge when he wakes up on Christmas Day or George Bailey realizing the riches he is surrounded with in "It's A Wonderful Life", there is a sense of overwhelming rebirth.

Still clinging to its past, the ego struggles mightily to regain control. Every moment it challenges the new ideas swarming freely through my thoughts, attempting at every turn to undermine the foundation of truth that is becoming stronger than it. Understandably, years of effort are required to re-wire what has been, to create a new set of parameters from which to envision the world. It's worth every second of time and scrap of energy to pursue. After all, whatever I've been doing so far hasn't made me happy or successful or anything, at least not in any lasting way. It's only left me wondering what I'm missing.

Yes, I have the toys and I've had some fun. It all pales in comparison to searching for life's purpose. I now believe that for me, that means finding the love in my heart that has always existed and accepting myself for what I am: a creation of God, an expression of the perfection that makes every one of us capable of miracles.

I have never fully believed in God, at least not in recent memory. I still do not conceive of it as some bearded deity wielding mighty bolts of lightning, but rather as a collective consciousness, a reflection of the spiritual energy extant in all life that has the ultimate power to heal, guide and uphold us if we but ask for help. How can it be otherwise? Where would we be if not for love? We'd be subject to the fear that we are taught from a young age is normal. We'd be fighting each other over illusions of reality, rather than focusing on what is real. The only real thing that cannot be destroyed, that buoys us through every eventuality, is love.

It's a sobering thought. Most of what I have been taught about this life has been in error. There is no fault to be laid at the feet of the teachers. They were taught the same things. The fault is thinking that the pursuits we hold so dear to our hearts, of the biggest house or the best education or the fastest car, are false idols. How we go about chasing after these phantoms of happiness is ruining the earth. The bigger picture, that we are in a position to heal ourselves and by extension the planet we call home, is far more important. Would you rather live in love or die fighting for oil? That should be a redundant question, yet it is overlooked by most of us.

Oh, I realize that to suddenly sprout wings and fly and then crow about it is not the way to raise awareness of the issues nor endear oneself to anyone. It's far too hypocritical. Rather, by addressing the needs of the self and becoming aware of the importance of life and love, maybe, just maybe, one can help by healing one's own soul. It's as simple as that.

Train Whistle

There was a time not long ago when the sound of a train’s whistle could be heard late at night from my bedroom window. Laying in bed, I would ride its plaintiff cry like a surfer on a wave, catching the break, letting it carry me away to a place I remembered from childhood. When I was eight, my family moved from Winnipeg to Calgary and while my Father drove his car the long distance across the windswept winter-kissed landscape that is the Canadian prairie in March, the rest of us were on a train. It was a magical ride full of non-stop motion, the sound of rails keening and of course, that long, piercing wail that sounds the approach to an uncontrolled crossing. There is a painting in my living room of a train, complete with caboose, mutely journeying a similarly frigid oasis of stiff grassland, smoke from its engine billowing in a sooty black, tilting column. That train is a doppelganger of the one I rode and its whistle would be the same sound I heard on that long-ago journey, a sound of both industry and loneliness plaintively reaching out to whomever might be listening.

The crossing by my house that prompted the train’s warning is now controlled. The arrival of residential developers has dictated this necessity. People must find their rest from the din of modern society, like one horn less would make a difference to the din they create in their own neighbourhoods day and night. When is it quiet where you live? Eleven o’clock at night? Ten o’clock in the morning? Fact is, it’s only quiet once in awhile. Hardly a day goes by without some kind of noise pollution interrupting one’s thoughts. If it’s not a screeching car, it’s a screaming stereo. If not a roaring power saw, a howling dog.

Sometimes, I long for the day when all I might hear is the sound of a train, clickety-clacking down the track, making the earth tremble like some giant, prehistoric animal, piercing the air with its trumpeting lament. But then, life is something more tangible than the intransigent sounds that compose it. No one would forsake the sound of children laughing to hear a trumpeting train anymore than they would the dulcet whispering of a harp or the bright song of a preening robin after a sun shower.

Yet, its air of longing calls to me, an aura of false melancholy from a mindless creation. Like an echo of our dark side, we seem to subconsciously build pent-up primal feelings into the machines that power our world. The whine of a turbo charger, scream of a climbing jet, blaring claxons of emergency vehicles: these sounds seem outlets for our suppressed rage. What machines are constructed with pleasant noises? The blender sounds like a lawnmower in glass, screaming in protestation at some unknown slight. The coffee maker burbles, spits and coughs like a rheumatic old mule. Does your vacuum cleaner purr like a cat? Perhaps your washing machine sounds like a carousel when it spins? How about your phone? Does it play a tinny little ring when someone calls, or a song you think somehow defines you and so everyone should hear it?
Noise can be music or it can be cacophony.

Once upon a time, the train alerted track-crossers of its imminent approach. Now, the train trundles mostly in quiet, a distant rumbling its sole remaining remark. That train whistle? I miss it. It was a predictable cadence, as predictable as the sun rising in the east. It held no surprises, did not accuse nor berate in its tone. Only projected in an immemorial way the wonder and disquietude of human invention.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Olympic Memory

Almost everyone living in or visiting Calgary in February of 1988 has a Winter Olympics story to tell. I've got some, too, but there's really only time (and motivation) for one at the moment. Besides, let’s face it – getting through any online text that’s more than a couple of sentences long and not framed like a faux Hallmark greeting is likely challenge enough for most people’s attention span.

In fact it wouldn’t at all surprise me to learn that the only type of person who might read this piece to the last full stop is someone addicted to the preponderant newsstand tabloid-like fluff passing itself off as entertainment and/or meaningful information that’s found across much of the web, and whom cannot help a compulsion to ceaselessly surf for more of it no matter how frivolous, crass, pointless, or baldly self-indulgent the material may be. Ahem.

But I digress. I didn't get in on the Olympics volunteer craze that swept the city months prior to the actual events, simply because I wasn’t paying close enough attention to any of the pre-Games news. I did have some interest to join up beyond selfless service to my fellow man, though: I wanted one of those long winter jackets the volunteers received for their contributions. However, short of stealing one off someone’s back there was no chance of that happening. By the time I did give thought to getting involved, it was far too late to volunteer. Turned out that was just as well; post-Games, what little fashion sense I then possessed put to pasture the thought of owning any Olympics garb, much less wearing it. It was apropos in the moment, but not really beyond that. Think of the Olympic pin craze; I still have a box of them kicking around somewhere, but even if I find them you won’t see me wearing them again.

Fortunately for my Olympics participation ambitions, my then-roomie and still-pal Bill gave me a heads-up that American broadcaster ABC TV would be holding a local hiring fair a few weekends before the Games were scheduled to begin, and I was with him in the hiring line first thing one Saturday morning in late January of '88. Through remarkably better fortune than mine, he got hired as personal valet to Mr. ABC Sports himself, Jim Mackay. The guy got to attend his charge at virtually every Games venue, drive him around in an ABC-supplied sedan, go to cocktail parties and hotel dinners, meet hot women groupies (okay, maybe most of them were sixty-somethings like their idol, but Bill was never picky), and basically have an amazing, three-week, round-the-clock adventure. I got hired on as a go-fer based at the newly renamed Canada Olympic Park’s ski jump venue, working with a bunch of American east coasters, most of them from New Yawk or Joisey. The pay was $50 a day, and included a canary yellow ski jacket with a large ABC crest over the left breast, which was to be worn every shift. I recall Bill mentioning that on top of his salary he got a $1500 bonus at the end of his contract. I got bupkus beyond my daily pittance, but I’m not really bitter about our vastly different Olympics experience with ABC. No, not really. After all, in gratitude for his help in getting me the ABC gig, I made a promise to let him out of the hole in my basement floor where I’ve kept him since the Games ended when their thirtieth anniversary rolls around. "It's almost here, Bill; chin up."

While Bill got to hobnob with all manner of celebs and moneyed hangers-on around town - and listen to MacKay practice the same tired pun on anyone who hadn’t heard it a thousand times before about ‘the agony of his feet’ – a lack of snow kept the athletes and everyone else at the COP ski jump idle for the first week of the Games. I did almost nothing the whole time but act the chauffeur to several open-shirted, hairy-chested, bling-wearing, greasy-haired, sweat-smelling, bargain basement LA movie producers who’d made some bucks casting gun-toting, bikini clad, ex-softcore porn starlets in straight-to-video movies with titles like Picasso Trigger and Hard Ticket to Hawaii, along with their ABC TV crony hosts, who rode in my transport often with their heads out of the windows yelling “Your sister’s ass!” at any driver around us who had the temerity to keep their car positioned within the road lane markings, rather than riding over the middle of them like it was proper to do back home in Newark.

When the snow finally started to fall and things got busy, I spent much of my time running miles of power cable all over the jump site. Sometimes I watched the athletes mill about - smallish guys in skin-tight lycra suits who on non-event days shouted friendly encouragements to one another with the guttural accents common to people from northern European climes - but each of whom on competition days stared out at the world with a psychopathic gaze reminiscent of a medieval Mongol drunk on airag and thirsting for blood. They’d often inspect their skis for possible tampering by nefarious-minded competitors, or (which I didn’t need to see) re-position their junk for the hundredth time in an hour. The only respite from the black and whiteness of their presence was that of Great Britain’s sole competitor in the sport, Eddie the Eagle, who added much-needed color to the whole affair; and I’m not referring to what he did each morning after being out at the bars every night. A more unlikely athlete there never was, but while he may not have performed very well at the ski jump, he excelled at socializing. Which I suppose was the one thing most everyone at the Games had in common, so he was in good company.

It wasn't all drudgery at the jump. Every morning I had my coffee at the top of the 90 meter tower, watching the day’s hot air balloon race over the city's core, and sending electronic messages to my then-girlfriend over a new internal mail system built just for the Games. I had no idea it presaged the advent of e-mail; it was just a cool new tool to play with. Similarly to modern e-mail, though, I got frustrated when there weren’t any replies to my messages due to technical glitches. Didn’t see that coming down the road, oh no.

Regardless, I also had opportunity during the weeks’ lull to add a few moments to my fifteen minutes of fame tally by prompting Finnish ski jumping phenom Matti Nykanen (pronounced Nuke-a-nin) to start his ski jump run at the end of an exclusive ABC interview with the guy. He’d won a gold medal in '84 at the Sarajevo Winter Olympics, and would add three more golds in Calgary. About five seconds of that clip made it on to the official Games video, and my canary yellow-clad back can clearly be seen off to the side of the jump track as Nykanen starts down it. Don't worry, though; I haven't let stardom go to my head; I'm not evenly remotely suicidal, nor do I feel inclined to pay to have sex in a public place.

Helping me keep my sanity after all the dullness was being in and amongst the incredible energy of some 80,000 spectators crowded into the lower bowl when ski jumping began in earnest. That more than made up for the relative boredom of the first week, when we were greeting callers to our compound by answering the phone, "Ski Waiting."

Now to the most memorable anecdote, and the reason I've recorded it for posterity. One evening after a shift at the ski jump, I was in the lounge at what was then the Four Seasons hotel, located across from the Calgary Tower. I was waiting for friend Bill to fetch me, and having a preparatory drink in anticipation of another night of non-stop imbibing; which was what the entire city populace seemed at the time to have made the latest ‘thing’ (not much of a stretch for Calgary, really). I think I got two or three hours of sleep each night for the duration of the Games, but being young and full of excitement, I never once noticed any tiredness, or felt hungover. Those were the days.

The lounge was sparsely peopled with a couple of geezers at the bar, an attractive, slightly older woman (who looked vaguely familiar) sitting by herself at a table near the dance floor, and of course me. There were Olympics playing on the bar televisions, and Cole Porter playing on the stereo system. The lighting was dim, my stomach was grumbling with hunger, and I was just mulling over food options on the bar menu when I espied the woman turning in her seat just prior to standing up. She was medium height, slender, and sporting long, wavy, dirty blonde tresses that cascaded luxuriously down and around her shoulders. Her glorious mane framed a round face with a pointed chin and long, strong nose, prominent cheek bones, thin lips curved ever-so-slightly in a wisp of a smile, and bright blue eyes shining under arched eyebrows. My interest level went up a notch at this different view of her (and in case you’re wondering, I used to have remarkably good night vision, so spotting the lady’s features from forty feet away in a dimly lit bar wasn’t an issue). Her long, silvery, ankle-length dress clung to her lithe form like the proverbial second skin, and swirled around her legs and feet like a silk sheet in a gentle breeze as she stepped ever as lightly as a ballerina across the dance floor. As I watched her progress, it became obvious that a) she was making her way straight toward me, b) she was actually pretty damned attractive, and c) I was staring at her with my mouth hanging open and the glass of scotch I was holding in one hand poised halfway to it. I gathered my wits, sat up straighter, quickly and (I hope) surreptitiously felt ‘down there’ to ensure my fly was up (‘cause one always stands in the presence of a lady), took a sip of the drink, and cleared my throat in anticipation of making a complete fool of myself as soon as I was called upon to utter more than a casual greeting to such a lovely woman. As it turned out all I had to do was reply with a “Sure” to her query, and beam back a smile to match the full one she was wearing by the time she reached me. She'd come over to ask me to dance.

She was graceful on the dance floor, and I was thoroughly ensconced in our warm embrace as we turned slow circles, ignoring the emptiness of the space by being lost in the moment. While I felt like I had two left feet at first - not being a dance champion by any means - the feeling passed quickly as I followed her far more graceful lead. I sort of got lost in the moment as we made small talk, stared into each other's eyes, and felt each other up. Out. Out, I meant. Got to know one another.

With apologies for preferring discretion to the more common and ubiquitous vulgarity we’re exposed to these days, I'm going to skip over the nuances of what transpired during the twenty minutes or so that we danced before Bill showed up (untimely, I’ve occasioned to think) to interrupt our little dalliance. It was an experience that I felt had the potential to become more than what it was, but instead it became the stuff of dreams and memory. Besides, I learned (long after the event) that she was happily married. I’ve sometimes wondered since why she didn’t tell me, not to mention why I didn’t think to look for a ring; have wondered all the more because, at one point during our slow-turning idyll across the hardwood, she'd asked after my plans for the rest of the night.

As attractive a proposition as it might have been to spend the evening in the company of a gorgeous woman who could make good conversation while looking you in the eyes - without any self-conscious laughter or question marks after her every utterance - a woman all the more attractive for having the chutzpah to show a sincere interest in a strange guy in a bar in a city that was (as it turned out) far from her home; it wasn’t to be. Unlikely as it may appear now to anyone knowing me well, rather than passing time in a darkened, near-empty hotel lounge with a woman enticing enough to send an hormonal surge through my body that could have energized an entire stable of stallions, in that moment I was more interested in running around bar-hopping all night with my pals. After all, I had a girlfriend of sorts (not going to explain that statement right now), and was feeling something akin to guilt at being in another woman’s arms. My dance partner was also fourteen years my senior, and despite how she was affecting me and where those effects were leading my thoughts, ego was doing its utmost to convince me that she could probably read my deeper intentions as easily as a clock on the wall, and their very obviousness would only preclude her from any desire to share them.

I was beyond flattered by the attention I was being given by Peggy (as she’d introduced herself), as well as more than a little tempted to remain in her inviting presence. After all I'm only human, and I'd just had an entirely pleasant (not to mention mildly hot) close encounter with a belle dame whom I found all the more alluring after the fact when, later that night, I happened to catch an ABC Olympics coverage re-broadcast of a segment from earlier in the day. The spot was of an interview with Elizabeth Manley, the Canadian Olympic women’s figure skating medal hopeful. The interviewer was former four-time World Champion and 1968 Sarajevo Winter Olympics woman’s figure skating gold medalist, Peggy Fleming. My dance partner.

Buddy Bill, who’s a couple of years older than I, would ask me later that night how I failed to recognize her. Being all of six years old when she shot to fame I didn’t think his question all that relevant, but I suppose given Olympics fever and the media blitz up to and during the Games in Calgary, I might have caught some wind of her name. However, I didn’t watch TV much back then (and none at all now), so it’s maybe not all that big a mystery how she escaped my notice. There were a lot of TV people in Calgary then, not to mention stars of every stripe imaginable. I could be forgiven for missing out on who they all were.

In some daydreams I enjoyed after the Games had ended, Peggy and I went beyond being dance partners to blotting bingo cards together at the local community hall; but that was long ago. Our little dance that night has been a nice, albeit fading, remembrance, but I know that with this (only very slightly stretched) re-telling of the encounter, the memory is destined to disappear into recesses of the mind from whence it’s unlikely to re-surface. That’s just how it goes sometimes. So be it. So long, Peggy, and thanks for the memories.

(With apologies to Peggy Fleming, Jim Mackay’s surviving family, and of course, Bill, for the artistic license.)