what am I

what am I now
where do I go
and why

who was I
before yesterday
before last year
before whenever

I don’t know anymore

I stand in three places
past
present
possible
belong to none

I list in limbo
strive
survive
a pauper
prince
wise
ignorant
loved
unloved
loving
hateful
aggrieved
resigned

fear arrests my progress
fear provides my drive
fear resides
fear abandons

my spirit’s willing
weak
able
lonely

my soul longs for release
it pulls me ever onward
never back
but I fight
I welcome
I scream
I concede

I know what's needed
I hear that call
I’m afraid
determined
anxious
relieved
confused
courageous
aware

I cannot stop
today is not
a good day to die
there’s too much
tomorrow in me
too much love
to know
give
accept
to dare

to live